No disrespect to Scorpion star Katharine McPhee, but Chris Daughtry deserved to beat her in their head-to-head American Idol season 5 elimination. Now, I love Smash as much as the next musical theater nerd, but I am still not over — and I’ll never get over — Chris losing to her in the Top 4 finals almost 20 years ago (and don’t even get me started on that season’s actual winner Taylor Hicks … that’s a whole other essay for a different day).

Let’s turn back the clock to when American Idol still ruled reality TV. It’s 2006, and the judging trio of Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson is going strong. The first four seasons of the Fox singing competition series seemed to get its winners mostly right. (Clay Aiken deserved to win over Ruben Studdard in season 2, although I wasn’t that upset). But season 5 destroys my faith in Idol entirely, because Chris should have won the whole thing.

When he first appeared onscreen, the 25-year-old devoted father from North Carolina with carefully crafted facial hair and a shaved head walked into his audition rocking a cowboy hat and visible nerves. Outside, his wife was emotional, tears streaming down her face as she admitted that if he were single, he would have already achieved his rock star dreams. But he took on the responsibility of helping raise her two kids when they got married. By this point, I was pretty numb to Idol audition sob stories, but this was such a beautiful and authentic origin that I was hooked already. However, I was not prepared for what came next.

When Chris started belting out the lyrics to “The Letter,” I was blown away. This wasn’t an amateur with pitchy vocals hoping for a shot at fame; this was a full-fledged soulful rock star. His powerful control with just the right amount of deep gravel and wide range was impressive, though not yet perfect. Randy and Paula loved him despite his nerves, but Simon knocked his lack of charisma and emotion: “I’m not sure I’m looking at a standalone star.” I couldn’t disagree more, but that was par for the course for how I usually felt about Simon’s trademark stone-faced assessments. This guy seemed to have it all. And thankfully, Paula and Randy’s “yes” votes overruled Simon’s “no,” so Chris stamped his golden ticket to Hollywood.

His next performances only further proved he was already a star despite Simon’s early rejection — his rocker rendition of ballad “The First Cut Is the Deepest” showed how he could infuse his signature style and sound into any genre. He stole the show during the dreaded group performance of “Emotion,” earning Simon’s blessing as he made it to the Top 24 semifinals. He finally got to show off in an appropriate genre with “Wanted (Dead or Alive),” and his physical presence and confidence were leaps and bounds ahead of where he started in his audition. (Hey Simon, how’s his “charisma” and “emotion”?) He even looked the part in his black embellished button-up and jeans, black leather cuff and silver chain gleaming, set against a backdrop of flames. At this point, I was sure Chris was a lock to win the entire season — “It’s Not Over,” but everyone else could already pack it up and head “Home” (references that didn’t yet exist).

As a devoted American Idol fan at the time, there was one thing I had yet to do in the previous four seasons, I never actually voted for any contestant. I was content to just watch it play out. I had no skin in the game, and felt that “America” was making the right calls (Clay’s loss aside). But after Chris’ commanding Top 20 performance of Fuel’s “Hemorrhage (In My Hands),” I actually picked up the phone and called 1-866-IDOLS-10 (I had yet to learn how to text with my flip phone). And kept calling until polls closed a few hours later. I refused to stop until the lines were dead. My parents weren’t even mad that I was clogging up our phone line all night — they were just as obsessed with Chris as I was. They fully approved of my sudden devoted fan behavior after he finally unleashed his true inner rock star with a song choice that allowed him to do his thing unhindered.

I wasn’t the only one who fell in love with Chris’ talent that night — Randy was ready to get him in a studio to start recording rock albums immediately, and even Simon admitted this was the only performance of the night that would stand out in the real world. Rock band Fuel was so impressed with Chris’ rendition of their own song that they literally asked him to be their new lead singer. (He ultimately turned it down after he lost Idol and formed his own band.) Chris later revealed that he also rejected Joe Perry’s offer to replace Steven Tyler in Aerosmith. These were legit professional rock stars who knew Chris had that lightning-in-a-bottle talent and were eager to snatch him up. So how did America get it so wrong?

It made absolutely no sense when Chris was ultimately eliminated in the Top 4 finals. It’s not like he botched any of his performances — he sailed through the next stages of the competition, never falling into the bottom three thanks to killer renditions of “Broken,” “Higher Ground,” “I Walk the Line,” “What If,” “Making Memories of Us,” and “Innuendo.” It wasn’t until the Top 7 when he landed in the bottom two (after his performance of “What a Wonderful World”) and narrowly avoided elimination that I started to get nervous that he wasn’t as sure of a thing as I originally thought. So I picked up the phone and kept on voting for him like it was my job. (I was 16 at the time, and while I didn’t have an actual job, my homework and extracurriculars could take a backseat for a few Wednesday nights … this was way more important.)

I was so relieved that it clearly worked when he shot up to the top two the following week with Katharine in the Top 6 (thanks to his performance of “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?”). His previous stint in the bottom was clearly just a momentary hiccup, and I once again was sure there was no competition — Chris was back on track to win the whole thing. Everything was totally fine!

That false sense of security continued the next week, as Chris cleared the Top 5 without breaking a sweat (with show-stopping renditions of “Renegade” and “I Dare You”). His fellow competitors Katharine and Elliot Yamin had been in the bottom multiple times, and while Taylor had avoided the bottom the whole season, he also never quite had the same effect as Chris in all his performances. Because Chris wasn’t just singing songs; he was constantly taking risks and making them his own, no matter the theme or genre or style, to the point where Simon couldn’t stop remarking on how he should already have a hit record with all of his performances. He was the only competitor to have real-world star power and the talent to back it up. He already knew exactly who he was as a singer and performer, and he refused to compromise — although he did take Simon’s advice to heart to show a new side of his talents with a couple softer, more sensitive song choices when the judge got bored with his constant rock belting. He listened and learned to constructive criticism. He could do no wrong, even when his voice got strained by fatigue.

So imagine my utter shock and disbelief when Chris landed in the bottom two with Katharine in the Top 4, leaving Elliot and Taylor safe. Something had clearly gone horribly wrong. Chris’ performances for Elvis week were great (“Suspicious Minds” and “A Little Less Conversation”), and Paula even declared, “See you in the finals!” So there must have been a glitch in the voting system — there was no way that these results were accurate. I refused to believe it.

I was panicking, but found solace in the silver lining: It would all be okay as long as Katharine was eliminated, paving the way for Chris to win the season, since she seemed to be his only actual competition at this point. Even Simon said that Katharine should be the one going home. But nope! Host Ryan Seacrest pulled a cruel bait-and-switch, gassing up Chris by saying he was predicted to win the whole season before unceremoniously revealing in the next breath that he was going home.

Katharine’s look of total shock as she hunched her shoulders (almost in shame) next to him said it all — no one saw this coming. The room immediately erupted in booing, and Paula collapsed on the judges table. Ryan said although it’s surprising, “America decided” that Chris was eliminated, but I still don’t believe it almost two decades later. While I never heard Katharine’s recorded “thank you” message in any of my calls to vote for Chris, other fans claimed they did — and I fully believe them. Something had to have gone wrong with the voting system. It’s the only explanation, and I will never get over this mistake. To add insult to injury, Katharine didn’t even go on to win — somehow, Taylor beat her, and she was the runner-up? It made zero sense then, and it continues to baffle me to this day.

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The consolation prize? Chris still went on to live his dream, forming his band Daughtry. His first single “It’s Not Over” dominated the charts, and his first album hit No. 1 — a rare feat for an Idol alum (only Chris, Kelly Clarkson, and Scotty McCreery have achieved that milestone). He also made history as the first Idol alum to have two consecutive No. 1 albums after his second release, Leave This Town, and has been nominated for four Grammys. Beginning the very next season of Idol, his song “Home” played whenever a contestant was eliminated. It’s like the show knew it needed to make up for the betrayal of sending him home.

But I never forgave Idol — I never voted again. Actually, I never even watched again.